How to Make a Tuna Sandwich

1. Think, "Oh man, how nice would a tuna sandwich on some grilled bread be right now?"

2. Open the door to the stove, which heats your house and cooks your food at the same time,  to discover that even the embers have burned out.

3. Blow into the fireplace, hoping to act as a human bellows and resuscitate the fire.

4. Dust off your clothes to remove the ashes that flew out of the fireplace in your zeal to revive the neglected fire.

5. Spray the room with Febreeze to remove the smell of campfire.

6. Blow into the fireplace some more. Ignore the ashes that come flying out at you.

7. Use saline to remove the ashes from your contacts. Dust your clothes off again. Repeat Febreeze.

8. Admit defeat, and find your landlord in her shop downstairs for help.

9. Let landlord follow you upstairs. Spend 15 minutes getting scolded in Albanian for letting the fire go out in the first place.

10. Watch in amazement as landlord performs magic and causes flames to spring forth from the fireplace.

11. Say "Falemenderit" eleventy six times as your landlord is leaving (it means "thank you" and is pronounced "fa-la-men-dare-eet").

12. Remember that the reason you tried to get the fire going again in the first place was to eat a tuna sandwich.

13. Realize you have no bread. Pop around the corner to the bakery to get some.

14. Slice bread. Toast.

15. Remove can of tuna from pantry.

16. Realize you don't have a can opener.

17. Eat cereal instead.